synopsis

Synopsis of movie script I wrote called

Attack on Mumbai !

Rakesh, Arvind and Shankar are three friends who have serious shortcomings.
Rakesh has a bad temper, Arvind shows no feelings and Shankar has mixed feelings about everything (he may laugh or cry at the wrong time).
Our three heroes have adjustment problems with their respective girlfriends because of their shortcomings but however hard they try, they are unable to fix their problems themselves
So they go to a counsellor.
The counsellor happens to be a terrorist agent sent from Pakistan who is organising a huge strike on some big target in India to rival 9/11 !
Rakesh's girlfriend Divya, who is a reporter first sniffs that something big is going to happen. She informs Rakesh who is a NGO activist, protesting against molestation of women by high ranking officials and politicians.
Arvind’s girlfriend Smita who is the aide to an Underworld Don confirms Divya’s suspicions
Shankars girlfriend Radha who is a wealthy businesswoman becomes friendly with the Underworld Don to trick him for evidence
Arvind has started a company providing excuses to those who need them for work or for media. A senior politician and Police officer who have molested women contact him for excuses to give the media and he also collects clues that something big is going on
Hitesh is cricketer who has serious gambling issues and has entered the Indian team. But he has huge debts to pay to the Underworld don. The don decides to use Hitesh to fix matches. This creates discord in his family
Meanwhile our three friends meet and discuss their suspicions. They decide to solve the case together since the police do not believe that these 'jokers' are saying the truth
Will they solve the terrorist plot, save our city and overcome their shortcomings? The answer forms the rest of this action packed hilariously funny movie. The audience is thrown from one twist to another and keeps them at the edge of their seat. All the while they are also laughing at our three heroes as they try to stop terrorists from a massive massacre while dealing with their own shortcomings.
Cricket, power, big business and intrigue are all part of this story
The movie ends in a blaze of glory that will leave the audience thrilled, satisfied and uplifted

You Got the Wrong Job!

You got the wrong job if you are

...a wrestler who does not like to be touched
...a pilot who is afraid of heights
...an astronomer who has myopia
...a Doctor who faints at the sight of blood
...a gardner who is terrified of worms
...a gas station attendant who is allergic to the smell of petrol
...a stockbroker who isint good with numbers
...a call center employee who is hard of hearing
...a liftman who is claustrophobic
...a piano player who is tone deaf
...an Italian cook who cant stand garlic
...a plumber who hates the smell of shit
...a zookeeper who is allergic to animal hair
...a Politician who cant lie
...a judge who cant decide
...a bra salesman who is shy of women
...a govt employee who does not like Tea or Coffee breaks
...a taxi/auto driver who hates traffic jams
...a salesman who stammers
... a blind employee in a beauty parlor
...a housemaid who hates to take orders

Why did The Chicken Cross the Road?

Laloo : Because BJP on this side. And because somebody stole chicken fodder. This is scandal. He is looking that side for his fodder. I did not take it
Kalaam: I will ask u a counter question. Will u answer? Tell me! Tell me now!
Ekta Kapoor: Its daughter in law lives on the other side. So she is going to make amends. Saas bhi Kabhie bahu thi
Advani: It is an example of Muslim appeasement. The congress is on the other side tempting that muslim chicken with special favours
Buddhadeb Bhattacharya: Just because that chicken crossed the road the CPI(M) cadre cannot be blamed
Maneka Gandhi: That chicken has been forced to cross unescorted. It is a violation of animal rights
BCCI: We have issued a show cause notice. No chicken can cross without the board's permission
Agarkar: I still hold the record for the maximum ducks in a row. One chicken does not make a difference
Sidhu: If we dont prevent and prepare. We will repent and repair. That chicken is an example to us all. He is showing initiative! He maybe angry but he is not cross. He may cross but he is the boss. He....
Arjun Singh: We must have reservation. Between 9am to 5 Pm only SC/ST and OBC chickens can cross
Rakhi Sawant: I don't know but i did not kiss that chicken
Karan Johar: He came to collect this lovely hamper. When people win it on my show. Kuch kuch hota hai. Since its a chick u can't say im gay anymore
Mufti Mohammed Sayeed (Ex Cm J&K): See there is no army presence on the other side
Mirwaiz Umar Farooq: He was simply protesting for an independent Kashmir. We have to give kashmiri chickens more freedom. Indian governments attitude has always been 'Ghar ke murghi dal barabar!'
Pranab Mukherjee (when he was foreign minister): It shows the presence of a foreign hand. That chicken was a Pakistani infiltrator. There are training camps on the other side
Rahul Gandhi: If that chicken was a Gandhi it would not have crossed
Sachin Tendulkar: 17 years I have sacrificed for this game. I have never been accused of having a bad attitude. I have never been accused of crossing with a chicken
Greg Chappell (chappal): The seniors have formed a mafia and forced that chicken to cross

Obsession

I was a lonely lonely man
Searching searching
For lifes true meaning
Exploring exploring myself,
Plumbing the depths
where had i gone wrong?
why was i so miserable?
why did i feel so inadequate?

Then i met u
I talked and i talked
u made me smile and laugh
u gave me what i needed
an anchor into whom i could drop my soul
i looked into your eyes
i saw myself
For the first time in my life
i liked what i saw
Even though it was me!

U listened and u confided
U beleived and u comforted
U adored and u loved
U gave and u received
U felt and u made me feel
U giggled and u seduced
U cried and u laughed
U made me love
Oh how u made me love

That wondrous feeling
Oh that feeling of joy
That feeling of being alive

How I love to love

I felt like i could rule the world
That i could accomplish anything
I knew the meanng
The meaning of life
Every love song made sense
Every poem was beautiful
Life was a sonata
U gave me life
If i was with u
the world was lovely

Then u left
i wept
U said we couldint be together
I begged
U said it was impossible
I pleaded
I swore I would do anything
U cried
U refused

I still remember
When we made love
How your soft and smooth body
Would cling to me
How you made me feel like giving and giving
Till i heard those screams
Those screams of ecstacy
They still linger
In my head

Long after u have gone
I wake up in the middle of the night
I hear those screams
Im sweating and shaking
I need u next to me
But all i feel is the emptiness
So I cover my useless body
And curse God

Why? Oh Why Lord did u show her to me?
Why did u let me see what i was missing?

Before I was miserable
Before I was unhappy
But i did not know i was
Now I search and search
Cry and weep
Oh life is torture
Life is pain

Oh how those memories taunt me
Do u think of me?
Oh Lord stop this frustration
Have u found another?
Save me from this longing

Does lightning strike twice?
Will I ever love again?

Lets Teach her a Lesson!

Radha was a vain girl
She looked down on her friends
They did not know about love
She told them
You all live such compromised lives
You will settle for whatever you get
But not me
I am going to wait
I wont compromise
I will only love my dream man
Until he arrives I will wait
Unlike you all
Go all of you
Run to your parents
Go settle for trash
Or anyone else you find
You dont have the courage
The courage to wait
To wait for your true love
Thats why you will never know what true love means

Radha was in love with love.
All she cared about was love
She wrote love poems
She made handwritten cards
She bought flowers
And imagined they were from her 'dream' man

When was she going to find him?
Her dream man
He would be handsome
Oh so handsome
And tall
And his eyes would be so dreamy
She would drown in those eyes
And he would be so romantic
He would whisper sweet nothings to her
All the time
On the phone when she was at work
In her ears when they were at some function
In public and whenver they were together
He would paste love notes all over the house
On her pillow
On the refrigerator
In front of the commode (in the bathroom)
On the mirror
Everywhere
Oh he would be so charming
Everyone would envy her
'How did u bag a man like this one?',
They would ask her
'Give him to me!',
They would beg
But he would never look at another woman
'You are all I need',
He would whisper in her ears

My man!
When are u going to find me?

Her friends decided to play with her
'Lets have fun with Radha',
They said
She thinks we are such scum
But lets show her
We can play her game
Lets set her up!

She will like Rahul
Shruti's boyfriend
'Shruti, lets bring him to her
Radha doesint know hes engaged'
Shruti giggled in agreement
We can tell him what to do
If she falls for him in under 10 days
We will have huge April fool party
and reveal the game to her
If not we will admit defeat to her publicly

So they coached Rahul
Everyday Shruti and the girls sat with him
They told him what Radha liked
What she disiked
They told him what to wear
How to write her little notes
What flowers to send her
What to whisper in her ears
Then they invited him to meet Radha

Ten days later Radha was in love
Head over heels
'I have found my man!',
She gushed

They had a huge April Fool party
They called all their friends
'We have won',
The cake said
Radha had been taught a lesson

Shruti was all dressed up
Radha was to arrive at 9
They were all ready
Rahul also would arrive at 9
He had some engagement
They turned down the lights
They waited in pregnant silence
They couldint stifle their giggles
Radha was going to find out today
She had been tricked!
Love was not her exclusive territory
They knew more than she did
They would show her today
They could 'arrange' love

The door clicked
They all stood up
'SURPrise....
They stopped in shock
Rahul and Radha stood there kissing
Rahul was sheepish
'We were just engaged',
Radha told the shocked gathering
Why are you all here together?
What's the occasion?
Shruti Im so sorry
Rahul told me about your engagement
But he loves me now
We are getting married next week

Love Thy Enemy

He was the worst of them all. The others in the party were conservative too but not like him. He had taken hate to extremes. He hated infidelity. He hated westernization. He hated public display of affection. He hated Muslims. Period

There was no negotiation. He beleived what he beleived. To hell with anyone who dint share his views.

Muslims were divisive. They were the reason for disruption of the peace. They caused terrorism. They were the reason for everything wrong in this country. They had to be stopped

When the party supremo needed a communal riot he was the one they called. Sunil. He would throw pigs on mosques. Anything.

His hate was all pervasive. A deep unrepentant hatred. Even the other hardliners in the party were scared of him. How could anyone hate like that? They questioned. He hasint even met most of the Muslim people he hates.

What have Muslims done to him? Maybe he was harmed by a muslim when he was young. They speculated

But Sunil was untouchable. Because he was successful. We won the election because of him. They whispered

Even the Supremo was afraid of him. Infidilety was banned he would roar. That is gora culture. Not ours. Those debaucherers. Men should not speak to women before marriage.Women should not dress provocatively and Valentines day is western


'Premarital Sex is sacrilege. Anyone found indulging in Intercaste marriages would be beheaded', Sunil thundered to anyone who would listen

People from different sections of society should remain separated for harmony he pontificated. Mixing will cause disruption. Disruption was dangerous to society. Mixing between religions or castes could not be allowed

We need a homogenious society. So we can all live in peace. Each caste and religion have to stay within their own ranks!

He would fight tooth and nail for this ideal society he swore foaming at the mouth

He destroyed shops selling Valentines day cards. He destroyed pubs where bar girls danced. He destroyed American establishments. (they were the cause for young people doing outrageous acts like holding hands or girls wearing short skirts). Why did we need hamburgers and pizzas when we had wholesome Indian food?

He revelled in the fact that he had killed more muslims than anyone else. He boasted that he had seen a Muslim burn before his very eyes. ' His eyes bulged and he exploded', he bragged

Even the Supremo was afraid of him. One day he stormed into the Supremos office. He was cheating on his wife. With a gora woman. No less. The Supremo did not have the courage to tell him to mind his own business. I will stop it immediately, the Supremo assured Sunil

Sunil was out of control. He was more than opinionated. He had become a law unto himself

One day he went to a muslim slum to see what damage he could do. He had heard reports of nefarious activity there. Everyone trembled and ran at the sight of him. Except one girl. Fatima

Fatima was innocent and brave. She stood her ground. Sunil saw her and stared

He had never seen anyone like her.

'Who are you?', he thundered

'Fatima', she said softly

He left in a huff

'Why have u left , Sir?', his aides asked. 'We are here to destroy something. Anything'

'Shutup!', he screamed

He could not forget her. Fatima. Those big beautiful eyes. Looking at him in curiosity. Not even fear like everyone else. Everynight he thought of her. Why had she stayed there? Why dint she run away like the others?

He went there again. Alone

'Where is Fatima?', he asked a girl he saw

When he saw her again he had the same feeling of exhilaration. he invited her to see him in the city

When her father asked her what Sunil the devil had told her she lied. Nothing she said. But she felt a strange feeling inside her. Her father told her that he was the worst specimen of humankind. That he was a scourge on the face of the land. But for some strange reason she dint care

She went to meet him

They began to meet regularly. Fatima excited him. She made him feel like he had never felt before. He couldint get enough of those lips, those eyes, her gentle laughter, her smile that he knew did not come out often

They travelled together. She made him do things he had never done before. She did things with him she had never thought of doing with anyone else

He travelled with her in disguise. She made him feel feelings he had never felt before. He experienced emotions he had never experienced before. And so did she

He went to the Supremo. The news had already filtered through. Sunil the evil devil was having an affair. With a Muslim woman

'I am resigning. I am married. But I am having an affair with a Muslim woman. I do not deserve to be in my position. I have violated every principle I have lived for in this party. I am going to change'

The Supremo was silent. Then he laughed. And laughed. And everyone laughed with him

'Sunil. You have been an example to us all. But now u have proved to be human. Let me tell you something. None of us really hate muslims. We cannot. Since we have not even mixed with them. We do not even know most of them. But we have to hate them. For business reasons. Our party follows the theory of divide and rule. The more we anger the Hindus who are the majority the more Hindu votes we will get. We tried to tell you. But you would not listen to us. You need not leave. Have your mistress. We dont mind at all'

'No Saheb. You dont understand. I am divorcing my wife. I am marrying Fatima. I cannot remain in a senior postion in our party with a Muslim wife. Hence I have to leave'

As Sunil left everyone thought the same thing. He had transferred the same passion of his hatred to his love for Fatima. The dreaded Sunil was now their enemy number one. Everyone shivered

A Chatroom Incident

Gopal was an addict. A chat addict. When he woke up he went to the chatrooms.

He hated real life. He could not relate to people.He felt ugly and rejected. He hated himself

He could however be somebody else in chatrooms

The chatrooms were a seductive place. They allowed him to live. They allowed him to be who he wanted to be. They took him to a fantasy world. He felt powerful in chatrooms. He could be anyone he chose to be. Anyone other than himself

One day he went to is favorite chatroom. He began to chat. He was using the handle 'Superman'. He met a girl. Loreanna

He chatted with Loreanna for a couple of days. She was single. She was from London. He told her he was from London too. He asked her to talk about herself and found out she was crazy about Soccer.

On the third day he asked her if she wanted to meet a famous Soccer player. Loreanna asked him who he was talking about

Superman: Have u heard of David Johnson? The Soccer Player?
Loreanna: No I havent
Superman: Well he is one of the up and coming stars of Manchester United
Loreanna: Why do u ask?
Superman: He is in the chatroom
Loreanna: Where?
Superman: Do u see the guy called Johnny? Thats him
Loreanna: Do u know him?
Superman: Well hes a friend of my brother. He introduced me a while ago. Do u want to meet him?
Loreanna: I donno
Superman: Wait let me ask him. He can be a jerk sometimes. He has so many girls fawning over him

Gopal has created the handle 'Johnny' himself and comes back after a minute

Superman: Ok Loreanna. He seems to be lonely. He said ok. Try to talk to him and see
Loreanna (to Johnny): Hiiiii! My name is Loreanna! Super told me to talk to you. Is it true? Are u in Manchester United????
Johnny: Hey. Yeah its true. Why? U like Soccer?
Loreanna: Oh my God ! I love Soccer! I watch all the games. I live and die Soccer!
Johnny: Cool. What do u do?
Loreanna: I am a secretary for Ladbrokes
Johnny: What do u look like?

Next Gopal found out what her phone number was, called her and agreed to meet her in London. He had practiced British accents and could fool anyone. But of course being in India he never showed for the date

Gopal wanted to see the effect of the rejection on Loreanna. So the next day he was there in the same chatroom again

Superman: Hi Loreanna! How did it go?
Loreanna: It dint
Superman: Why? What happened?
Loreanna: He asked me out and dint show
Superman: What a jerk!

Gopal comforted her and learned more about Loreanna's interests and hobbies. He was getting closer to her and found out she was unhappy at work. and would love to get out of London. Two days later he talked to her again

Superman: Hi Loreanna! Long time no see! How u doin?
Loreanna: Im ok. How bout u?
Superman: I just met such a great guy. U just have to meet him Hes from Portugal. He is just your type!
Loreanna: I donno. I cant do this anymore
Superman: No No try this guy. U will love him

Gopal has created another handle Portaprince

Superman: Hes this guy called Portaprince ok? I am asking him to talk to you
Loreanna: Uh huh

Portaprince: Hi Loreanna. Super just insists I talk to U. Let me just tell u about myself. I run a recruitment firm in Portugal. What about u? What do u do?
Loreanna: I work in Ladbrokes as a secretary. Recruitment huh? Do u recruit secretaries?
Portaprince: Secretaries? Of Course. Thats our bread and butter. Would u like to work in Portugal? The pay is better here. The hours are shorter than in England I can guarantee u
Loreanna: Oh How nice! I would love to get out of London!
Portaprince: Oh Portugal is a lovely change from London. U will just love it! Send me your pic and resume and Ill process it and see what I can get for u ok?
Loreanna: Oh my God Ok. Let me do it right now. Im so excited!

Loreanna sends her pic and resume. Gopal is stunned. She is beautiful

Suddenly Gopal is curious. He wants to see what she thinks of him. Maybe he isint that bad looking after all.

Portaprince: Loreanna u are the prettiest woman ive seen n along time! I am sure it will be real easy to place u. Let me send u my pic just so u know what i llok like. Did Super tell u I was from India?
Loreanna: No. But I love Indians. My grandfather lived in Calcutta long ago!

Gopal sends his pic (one where he looked better than he looked in real life) and prays she likes it

Portaprince: Loreanna? Did u get my pic?
Loreanna: No But I gotta go. Ill see it later ok?

Gopal is intrigued by why she left so quickly

Next day he cant supress his curiosity. He returns to the chatroom

Superman:Loreanna! How was he?
Loreanna: He was ok
Superman: Just ok? Did he tell u he had his own business and all?
Loreanna: Yeah. He runs a recruitment business. He took my resume and said he would find me something in Portugal
Superman: Did u send him your pic?
Loreanna: Yeah and he sent me his too
Superman: So? What did he look like?
Loreanna: Well hes ok. I guess
Superman: Oh cmon. Tell me the truth. What did u really think?
Loreanna: Well u want to know the truth?
Superman: Sure
Loreanna: I donno how else to say this but he is the ugliest guy I have ever seen. Butt ugly. Jeez! How can any guy be that ugly?

Gopal slumped to the floor. Never to chat again